Why are there so many work to do?

Een soort keukenprinses dus, maar dan anders
Originally uploaded by zeekomkommer.

I don't understand the way the world operates. I can barely understand why resources ar scarce however I always think that it is unnecessary that poeple force each other to excess work and thus lead to fear and stress.

Maybe those mini macs (or was it mac mini?) someday would be able to put dishes in to the dishwasher. However, after this, I would also tend to think that somebody else, or maybe a robot may come and makes me eat in order that I can have dishes to get washed. See?

And maybe somebody else to go into therapy and talk to my shrink instead of me... or is this simply avoidance what I do now..

Am I an avoidant person?

I would be more happy without society

Minimart
Originally uploaded by oed.

Sometimes I really think that if I were to live in an inhabited island, I would be more happy than now and end up therapy, working, socializing and I would even quit social drinking.

I really think that depression and anxiety would no more irritate me if I were to be completely alone.

Just for this reason I sometimes think about going to somewhere in far-east and join in one of those shrines where poeple meditate whole day.

I love internet

Well, I have seen something helpful to me... It didn't took my anxiety and fear away but it's useful to think about, I feel a little bit better.

Here is a portion of what I have just read:

Therefore, fear is an empty feeling. The anxiety it brings is trash. You can move away from fear because it is generated by your thoughts. Usually it is not generated from something that is definitely and exactly going to happen.

It is on the Psychology Blog. And the exact link to the article is here.

Anxiety hit my mind

Well, I was not able to sleep in peace again.

I am nearly sure that I am not so much in trouble. However, sometimes, I got hit by a severe anxiety and fear that I cannot live in the present. I can't work, I can't have a rest.

I don't believe this is depression. I know depression, I've been there. I can define it. This is not depression.

This is just anxiety and fear.

Really don't know exactly how to proceed from here. I am also sure that this will pass. I'll be content again. Unfortunately, I don't know when and how.

Last Session, 25th of February

It was hard. It was very hard. It was so difficult that I don't feel ready yet to tell about it here. I went back to early 80's where my cousin was born and I was usually staying by my grandmother. There have been many complications at that time. I also don't remember talking about them when I was in the therapy for the first time back in 1998-2000.

Wow. I can't call this cool though. I really felt the need for affection. This session was never enough to me. I very much wanted to last it one more hour, time was never enough!

Really don't know what to tell here, now.

I will try to figure out something and continue to write down.

Cheri Huber and Her Books

I recently came across a writer and a zen teacher Cheri Huber. I have read the Fear Book of her. She writes quite good. On first view, I thought that it is a silly self-help book because it also looks like a children exercise book but I started reading and I saw that it is really powerful and it is not empty at all. I suggest you to have look at it.

Still busy with the last session

FEAR: THE DEADLY SUBURBS...tonight at 11
Originally uploaded by myradphotos.

My mind is still busy with my last therapy session.

I can't call what I feel as anxiety, however I feel both good and bad things all at the same time.

In fact I have a secret about this therapy that I didn't tell on the blog yet. Maybe it's just about this issue, maybe not...

I am happy that I can work now, although not as much as I am able to.

I am restless, I haven't sleeped last night and I am still awake now. No medication, no drugs, no alcohol, I have never been druggy anyway, just to let you now.

What is happening is really good, I can sense that. Maybe I just need a little more patience.

All in all, I can now clearly say that I am not in a depression anymore. And that makes me thank god.

Notes on last session

Are you scared?
Originally uploaded by solea.

Well, one post won't be sufficient to tell everything.

This is now what I feel after last session, like in the photo. I feel like I am in some place like this. However, that doesn't scare me as it did before.

Last session, Feb. 18th

Bella Venezia
Originally uploaded by solea.

My last therapy session was yesterday. It was a session of open communication. Communication was better than before.

I've had a dream, I was in the session and I was talking to a person who is a famous actor during high school.

I thought about this a lot. Probably, he was meant to be the therapist. What a wonderful image in the brain, in the subconsciousness.

I think this dream is about the imitation in therapy. Faking an identity, imitating a relationship... I am not sure.

I'll continue to write on this last session and the dreams I had before and after.

Anxiety 2 Calm: Physical Causes of Anxiety - Brain Structure

Anxiety 2 Calm: Physical Causes of Anxiety - Brain Structure

Well, a nice, short blog post to read.

DVA

DVA
I came across this blog while hanging around blogspot. It's well written and makes it easy to learn about film special effects. A nice blog, you have to see it for yourself.

Trees and the iron man

trees and the iron man
Originally uploaded by I love digital vision.

That's how I felt like during last year. Unable to move, seeing the beauty of the world, allowing nature and birds to communicate to me, but at the end, I was motionless.

Well that was what people call as depression, I think. Accoridng to the psychiatrist, I have both major depression and bipolar depression.

Thanks God I feel better nowadays.

Dreamworks

DSC_1278
Originally uploaded by junku.

I had a dream last night. It was short but very interesting. I was sitting on a couch, looking to a boy who was a couple of years younger than me. He was very angry and I was trying to stop him but there was another man at the same age with me who was trying to stop me!

That was all about the dream. Really weird, really!!

The Upcoming Therapy Session on Saturday

Simpson's Jungle Gym
Originally uploaded by Old Sarge.

Well, I exactly feel like this photo now, about the next session.

I am much more better than I was in the past, and especially in the last couple of days, I feel the change going very fast. In fact that's really tiring.

I should get accustomed to cognitive approach. I feel like I am stuck in analytic approach. Sometimes, I really feel that I couldn't get what she is saying to me. One thing is certain: "I am safe, I exist" was the ever powerful motto I have heard so far.

I'll continue to tell more.

What I feel in a Therapy Session

040319 bernini touche
Originally uploaded by jw_nyc.

Nowadays, I feel that sessions are part of an art work, like a statue.

The materail of the art is human mind. From dream interpretation to psychoanalysis, from cognitive approaches to what one have in mind while she enters into a therapy session and after she goes out of the room may differ so much emotionally, it is really not difficult to call it art. By the way, this beautiful foto is from an artwork of Bellini.

A little about myself

Well, maybe this is something i have to post on my profile but whatever, post is post.

I have been working in the advertising sector for the past six years. Last year was truely a mess. I fall into a major depression. I tend to believe in depression though, but this not only what i say, also my shrink, who is a psychiatrist, told me that i am in a depression. I was suicidal at that time, back in the spring of 2005. Anyway, he started meds. then months after i have seen him in order to rearrange the medication. i told him that i want to enter into a therapy again but not with him. so, he adviced somebpdy else to me. I was desparate. I was not believing that a new therapy would heal me but i just wanted to give it a try. I called her, she was a proffessional psychologist with a phd and a lot of experience. We arranged a session. and our therapy started. that was in the fall of 2005.

Now I can have titles on my posts

It was simple, easy. go to settings and then go to formatting and then there you go, you can choose to have titles of your posts.. seems like fun.. I am not sure.

This one... is weird.. maybe its because of the template but i am not able to give titles to my posts, anyway, i like this blogger thingy, maybe i should just change the template.. oh my god. life is so hard with this one.

A friend of mine finally convinced me to start a blog. I wonder how it will go...